Boss Your Business - The Podcast

[00:00:00] Yvonne Heimann: Hello, and welcome back to Boss Your Business, Boss Your Mindset. Yes, guys, as you can catch, we are adapting a little bit to where the conversations have taken us, because it's not just about bossing your business. It's also about bossing your mindset. And I want to invite you today to take a little bit of different look onto some common stories we have been told.

[00:00:28] So I invited Jenny Alday Townsend today to share with us your story, Jenny, of how your business got your personal life a little bit into struggle and how you took charge of both of it. Before we dive into this, Jenny, do me a favor, introduce yourself to the audience.

[00:00:51] Who are you? What do you do? And why the heck did I want to have you on the podcast? Because I find your story really amazing. [00:01:00]

[00:01:00] Jenny Alday: Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to speak with your listeners today. I'm Jenny Townsend. I reside in Sarasota, Florida. I am the proud owner of a music school called Music Compound.

[00:01:11] That's where we do music lessons for all ages, any level, any interest. We are performance based. So I come from a background of team sports, business development and sales. And that's what I bring to the business. I am not a musician nor an educator, and no, I am not a mom of any children.

[00:01:29] Most people think that I have to have one of those qualifications to run a music school business. I started the company in 2016. I drummed up the business plan while in college in 2009, prior to that, I was selling real estate. When the market crashed, no one would hire me because I didn't have a bachelor's degree.

[00:01:47] So I had to go back to school and get that degree. So I started in 2016. We have about 500 members. I have 42 team members and I'm also launching a [00:02:00] book. It's called Stroke It. I also have a podcast, which is called Stroke It. And the stroke it guide was inspired by my marriage failing while I was boosting and growing this amazing business, that became my life during that timeframe.

[00:02:16] Yvonne Heimann: So you already, we both now already hinted guys on, on the story you get to hear today and the struggles and the happy ending. So guys, better stick around. Let's do a little time travel here for a moment. Let's get back to that startup phase. You, you built a business, things are going, I'm, I'm guessing you're probably smacked up in it, right?

[00:02:40] You're working 24/7. How, how was that time where you were building the business. You were a few years running, into running your business and you were in it. What, what was boss Jenny feeling, doing in that moment?

[00:02:59] Jenny Alday: Yeah. So [00:03:00] when I quit my corporate gig in 2015, my husband actually is the one that encouraged me to quit my job.

[00:03:05] He said, I want you to take a year off, focus on opening up that music school that you told me about on our first date. And he goes, I think it's a great idea. I think you're going to be successful. So go ahead and do it. So he basically opted and offered to fund my startup for me, as far as like covering our half of the bills.

[00:03:24] Cause we split everything 50, 50, even though we were married and allowed me to follow this long term passion and dream of my own company. And I opened it in 16 and we grew just at a rapid pace. And it was myself and one teacher. And then I had more teachers. And then I took on, you know, an extra 4, 500 square feet.

[00:03:43] And, you know, it's just working all the time. 2000.

[00:03:46] Yvonne Heimann: How fast, how fast did that happen?

[00:03:49] Jenny Alday: Within six months.

[00:03:51] Yvonne Heimann: Damn. Okay. So you were not wasting any time.

[00:03:54] Jenny Alday: I was not wasting any time because I had been talking about this dream of mine since 2009. So when I finally did [00:04:00] it, people were ready for it. They were excited for me and they literally just leaned in.

[00:04:04] They told all their friends and family and our music education is very non traditional. And so we were the cool music school. We were very different. A lot of people told me I was going to fail. They're like, it's not going to work. You don't have the credentials. So I literally was like, I have to make this successful.

[00:04:21] Plus I took 120, 000 loan and I quit my corporate gig. And my husband was like, go. So there's a lot of pressure. I'm sure many of your listeners that own their own businesses or started their own company, you have a lot of pressure and your thought process is I'm going to risk it all. Not realizing all the things that you have to sacrifice and you could potentially lose.

[00:04:42] And I was married, happily married when I started the journey. And around November of 2017, I met with a mentor and he could see I was drowning and he goes, your marriage isn't worth all of this and either you're going to lose your marriage. You're going to lose your company, or you're going to lose it all.

[00:04:58] And he encouraged me to [00:05:00] take a month sabbatical in December, which he was like, Hey, it's a 2 week month. Everyone's super forgiving around the holidays. If anything happens, don't worry about it. It'll be fine. And so I started spending a lot of time at home. And at that point I realized my husband was never home and it carried over into January and I was like, something is not right.

[00:05:19] And I had speculated that my husband was having an affair with a coworker for two or three years. So it wasn't anything new, but I didn't, the writing was on the wall, but I wasn't really reading it until I was home more and I was able to see what was actually happening in February of 2008 is when I actually discovered that my husband was having an affair with a coworker.

[00:05:42] One month prior to that, when I came back from the sabbatical, I hired a new person and I had no role for them. I didn't even know what I was going to do, but they were talented. I knew, knew I needed them in my company. I just didn't have a place for them. And when I went on the sabbatical, I left my company in the hands of an 18 year old that I hired three months [00:06:00] prior.

[00:06:01] So when I came back,

[00:06:04] Yvonne Heimann: I am, I am inspired and frightened all at the same time because it's like logical. It's like, What were you doing?

[00:06:14] Jenny Alday: I had no choice. I literally had no choice.

[00:06:17] Yvonne Heimann: It's, and it's like, also with the, with the gut feeling, it's like, okay, there is something there that you just saw or just felt.

[00:06:24] Jenny Alday: Yeah. So the 18 year old, when I came back from the sabbatical, created a full time job for herself and said, this is all the things that we need. If we want to be successful, I was like, beautiful. Let's go. The guy that I hired, not knowing what he was going to do became instrumental in my business, because after February, when I discovered the affair, I had to step out and those two took complete ownership of my company and they digitized it.

[00:06:51] They took it from old school to new school. They, you know, went, we went from red to black. And so my company was [00:07:00] thriving at a point in my personal life was blowing up in flames. And when you can speculate that your husband or your, your significant other is having an affair or they're cheating on you, but when it actually happens, that's when it gets real.

[00:07:12] And that was a really hard time because those questions were, do I sell my company to save my marriage? Do I have to give up this love for my company to save my marriage? Do I give up my marriage for my company? Can I have both? And there's a lot of questions that you just start to ask yourself that, or can be really, really challenging.

[00:07:33] So it was a really hard time. I was working a lot of hours prior to the discovery.

[00:07:38] Yvonne Heimann: And I do have a couple of questions on the personal side. We knew we're going to be swooping in between personal and business, the whole episode guys. So, stay with me on this before I dive into the personal side. I got a, I got a question on the business side.

[00:07:53] So you had the 18 year old employee and you had the one that didn't have quote a specific position [00:08:00] yet, yet they were there and yes, quote, you didn't have another choice, but yeah, you did. I'm wondering what, what brought on to, yes, I really want to hire this person, even though I don't have a position for them yet, or with the 18 year old and completely just, I'm trusting you with my business.

[00:08:25] I'm like, in the end, you could have also closed down. There is other solutions. So I'm wondering if, if there is something we can pull out for the audience, when they come into a situation like that, to be like, Is it trust your gut? Is it just, just go with it? Trust the people. I don't know. Was there something that you might be able to share with the audience when they come into a similar situation?

[00:08:55] Jenny Alday: Right. So when it came to the 18 year old that was working for me, her and a 16 year old actually was [00:09:00] also involved. I knew that they knew enough to cover the business and to take care of it. And I knew they would figure it out. So many times we as business owners or leaders are so afraid of our people screwing it up, failing, or not doing it the way that we do that.

[00:09:17] We don't allow them to. So when I was told to walk out of my business by my mentor, He was allowing me the opportunity to see where they would go with the company. And honestly, they really made choices. They made decisions and they weren't afraid of being judged or afraid of me getting upset with them because they wouldn't do it my way.

[00:09:37] They had no choice, but to do it their way, which was a really great learning experience, not only for me, but for them as well. It also boosted their confidence. They began taking ownership of roles they didn't have before. And the guy that I had hired the first week of January, not really knowing his role, he had skill sets that I knew I could utilize in the future.

[00:09:59] I just [00:10:00] couldn't wrap my head around all of it all at the same time. When I hired him, I didn't know I was going to be stepping out. But the fact that I did hire him. He brought a different skill set that I didn't have on my team. If I would have been present that first year after the discovery, him and I would not have been able to work together because he needed to have ownership of everything.

[00:10:20] He needed to have green light. He, I would have created barriers. So it was really trusting these individuals. And at that point, you know, you need something, but you just don't know what you need. And sometimes we hold our people back and we hold our company back from actually going to the next level. So if, if there are, if there is a listener that's thinking like, how did you walk out of your company and how did you do this?

[00:10:45] Usually your business will thrive when you walk out of it or you quit your business because the people are there. They're just afraid to, to do what they need to do because of us, or we hold them back or we don't trust them. And if they're going to be on your team, you probably should trust them. [00:11:00]

[00:11:00] Yvonne Heimann: I love that.

[00:11:01] Yeah. I'm like, okay. Yeah. I feel that. Got it. Team, did you hear that? He was going to have fun with this one when, when they're editing, because it's part of what we behind the scenes are going through with the team right now, where it's like, guys, I want you to take ownership.

[00:11:20] I want you and, and having worked on me stepping into the position without stepping out of the business, but stepping into the position of this is yours, go play with it, go break it, go test, but it also, it takes time because I did not leave the business for the team to own it, to have fun with it, to do, to trust that I'm not going to be all when things don't go as planned or when they go different than I do them.

[00:11:52] So it's, it's, it's just taking a little bit of time for the team to be really like, Oh, you're not mad. [00:12:00] I'm like, no, why? Yeah. It's been, it's interesting how episodes and guests seem to always align with what's happening behind the scenes of my own business.

[00:12:12] Jenny Alday: Right. Right. And I think to when they have this type of ownership and not needing permission from you, from every single thing, it's also really, really empowering.

[00:12:21] And it allows them to get creative. For instance, one of them decided on April's fools to create an entire email that went to our entire database about how we do music lessons for pets. They created a landing page. They created an email about this and literally they just did it without my permission.

[00:12:39] And who knows what I would have said, but I got that email and I was freaking out. I was like, wait a minute, who decided we were going to do this? Like I was starting to believe that they actually did this not realizing it was April fools. And since then we've done that every single April fools as well.

[00:12:54] And then we get a really high open rate from all of our clients and they think it's funny. So when you allow them to be creative and [00:13:00] have fun and lean into the roles that they really want to do. And then if you let them divide it up as a team versus you making that decision, it really works well.

[00:13:13] Yvonne Heimann: And to now swap back over to the personal side of all of the things that were happening, I loved listening to you when you dove right into, okay, I got two choices here. It's, it's either way, my marriage is out of the window or my, do I have to shut down my business and finding that way in between what, what I was I initially, I have to admit, was surprised reading your story through, through the submission.

[00:13:44] What I often experience in a situation like that is there's a lot of finger pointing going on, there's a lot of blaming going on, there's a lot of guilt going on. But listening to you and reading the story beforehand, it was a straight up, [00:14:00] I put all of my time into the business. You took at least part ownership.

[00:14:06] We haven't talked yet about how much of the ownership you took of it. I have not seen major finger pointing on in that situation from you. So I wanted to dive a little bit deeper into this because I'm, I'm one that always got in trouble when I'm like, there's, there's two to that.

[00:14:27] I have been on both ends of, of that scale where I have cheated and I have been cheated on yet. However, I was always like, there's always, there's always two sides to this. Somebody, in my opinion, somebody doesn't just step out just to step out. There is usually more behind this. So how was that being in that situation because your husband was supportive of that move.

[00:14:57] We don't always know what we [00:15:00] don't know before we are actually in it, right? Starting a business like that, growing it that fast and then having, having that inkling. But then the knowledge of, Hey, there's something happening in my personal life. How was that in that moment being in that was, yeah. What was that like?

[00:15:25] Jenny Alday: So I will say it's a roller coaster, a lot of emotion. There's a lot of resentment. There's a lot of jealousy. There's a lot of frustration. There's a lot of anger. There's a lot of whys. There's a lot of, there is a lot, there's a lot of pointing the finger at first. And then it's like, there's just so many different emotions.

[00:15:41] So when I started my company or through the process of it, my company became my love, my passion, my life. It literally became everything. If it was, or if I was given a choice to go to a family function or go to a music compound event, I always chose the music compound event. [00:16:00] Not only did I lose my husband for a period of time, I lost a lot of friends.

[00:16:03] I lost a lot of family because I was so laser focused and I'm a person that I develop a 135. Where did I want to be in 1 year? Where do I want to be in 3 years? And where do I want to be in 5 years? And I was so laser focused on that 5 year plan of where I was going to be with the company. We didn't create a plan for myself or for my husband. We didn't talk about those longterm goals.

[00:16:26] So I wanted to be successful. I had a lot of money on the line. I risked it all. So when I discovered what was happening at first, it was really pissed off. Like I was so mad actually at myself. I was so mad at myself because I knew it had been happening.

[00:16:44] I just didn't want to fight. I didn't care. And so I went right back into those emotions and realized, you know what? I could have cheated too. I was very busy. And then I started treating my company to having an affair. [00:17:00] So I think that was the first step of me taking ownership was me, number one, acknowledging how I was showing up and how I was contributing to my marriage and how I was contributing to the company and things like that.

[00:17:10] So I think that was the first and foremost is acknowledging the role that I played. And then I was able to kind of fine line and do a bunch of things, but we did separate, we sold our house. We did some, divided all of our assets and we were on the verge of getting divorced when I was in this recovery process.

[00:17:28] And I was ready to throw in the towel and I'm glad I did it because now here we are six years later and we have a beautiful marriage with a lot of connection, with a lot of communication, with a lot of peace and with a lot of great sex and all that good stuff. But it does take time, but if I would have just like, threw in the towel and placed blame.

[00:17:47] I wouldn't be where I am today. And where I am today is I am a self, I love myself. I feel very secure. I'm very happy with the choices. I'm a great leader. I'm a great wife. I'm all these [00:18:00] amazing things because I decided to look within and take time to focus on myself and what I needed, what I wanted, who I wanted to be and who I wanted to share my life with.

[00:18:09] And I really took time to focus on the very beginning of my marriage and why I fell in love with my husband and who he was and what type of person he was. And I think at times we're so angry, we can't remember who we married or who we began this beautiful life with. And I will say this was not custom.

[00:18:29] My husband is not this type of guy. Like when people hear this, they're like, I would never imagine. I was like, I would never imagine it either. He's a really genuinely great guy comes from a really great family. This is not him. He became lonely. He became resentful that I was going to need to follow my dream and do what I love and follow my passion.

[00:18:47] And I was, you know, doing all these things. I would show up to events and people were so drawn to me and they were so obsessed with like everything that I was doing, they're like, you finally did that thing you were talking about. So he [00:19:00] was invisible and I was so busy talking about myself and everything going on in my own world and everything that was pertaining to my company that I never actually listened to my husband. Got to know him deeper.

[00:19:12] I think if he told me he was cheating on me, I probably wouldn't have even been listening. So I really had to do a lot of self discovery and look within before I started blaming or pointing any fingers. And I think when you take ownership and acknowledge your role.

[00:19:28] You will be able to find forgiveness. You will be able to find peace and you'll be able to see the opportunity in this obstacle.

[00:19:40] Yvonne Heimann: Wow. Yes. Love it. Doesn't, doesn't happen too often that I'm, that I'm actually speechless. I love all of that. Now for the audience. How is, how is life nowadays between [00:20:00] business, between husband, personal life, all the things based on what you've been through, all the things you've done, all the things you've learned, all the things you've worked through.

[00:20:13] Do you have, for the lack of better wording, things in place to prevent this from happening again? Do you have established certain habits? I'm like, I know there is things out there where I could just call it the red table. Smith family is doing it where they're sitting on the table and putting it all on the table.

[00:20:36] I know a lot of couples are doing monthly goal setting meetups where it's not just the business, it's also the relationship. There's so many things, so many people are doing. What have, what have you, how has your life changed? What have you guys done? Because I'm pretty sure you have done something to prevent [00:21:00] that from happening again to not get fully soul focused on one thing or the other again and finding that balance you are in now.

[00:21:07] Jenny Alday: So I will say that this unfortunate situation that happened was a, was a blessing. It pulled me off the hamster wheel. It pulled me into reality and it allowed me to see and really lean into the things that are super, super important to me and that I value, which is myself and my marriage. And with my marriage becoming my priority, I developed really great boundaries and a really great schedule that allows me to be whole more.

[00:21:39] It allows me to be present as well. So I have a daily structure of daily schedule as well. And one of the things that my husband did for me, well, a couple of things, but one thing, when we were going through this, he bought me the book, the five love languages by Gary Chapman, we both read that.

[00:21:56] So we could understand. And one of the love languages of his was quality [00:22:00] time. And we had to really dive into what quality time met. So my husband thinks, or believed and wanted quality time to be the two of us together, having conversations one on one. My idea of quality time is we're in the same house.

[00:22:15] We're at the same event. We're in the same car. So that was a huge eye opener for me is to understand the differences of the life, the love languages And so we really leaned into that as well. And by understanding the importance and understanding my husband's love language for quality time. I was able to restructure my morning, so another thing is personal touch, it's not about sex.

[00:22:39] My husband wants to be cuddled. He wants me to rub him. He wants me to touch him. And so in the morning, I do snuggle time. I set my alarm and when I hit snooze, I literally roll over and snuggle and spoon my husband because he needs that love. And I want to cater to that love language that he has. And then we work out and we have breakfast together.

[00:22:58] And then we go, we do our work and then I'm [00:23:00] home two to three nights a week. You know, I still make time for my friends and I still am with my company, but I'm not within my company as much anymore either, because I was able to step out. I promoted people. They took ownership of the roles. I maybe work 15, 20 hours a week.

[00:23:17] My company is thriving. We're making more money than we ever have with me there less, and I have more balance within my personal life. And I now play tennis and I write a book, I have a podcast. So this really unfortunate thing really, it gives you a reality check. And it makes you appreciate the things that you do have and focus on those versus everything that you don't have.

[00:23:39] And I believe that with the, that you can have work life balance, and I think that you can have a really great relationship with your work and with your home life. But you do need to have some boundaries and just create a schedule that works for you. I've developed a schedule and I mean, I have this kind of downloads on my website and a lot of it's featured in my book, that's going to be out.

[00:23:59] So [00:24:00] it's, it's possible to have it all.

[00:24:02] Yvonne Heimann: And I love how, how you talked about, you didn't just go into quality time. You also went deeper to really ask, okay, what specifically does that mean? Because, it's perceived differently. I'm like, your example was perfect where it's like, but that's quality time. What are you talking about?

[00:24:23] No, we all perceive it differently. And I, yeah, I freaking love it. It's really just, it's this speaking each other's language.

[00:24:35] Jenny Alday: 100%. And I do want to mention one more thing too, because I know a lot of your listeners are. Bosses, and I think it's important to understand that sometimes you have to turn off the boss mode when you come home.

[00:24:47] So I'm such a boss at work. I'm so interested, like I'm delegating. I'm it's like all the things running an organization. And with 42 people, you're used to telling people what to do. And you have to be somewhat [00:25:00] masculine because this, this energy you have to give off is like the people understand that you are the leader, you are the boss, you are the owner, like you're going to. You know,

[00:25:09] Yvonne Heimann: That masculine, that dominant position.

[00:25:12] Jenny Alday: So I've learned through the process too, that I need to channel my inner feminine and I need to be softer and I need to allow my husband to, you know, make decisions. I was just so busy. So used to also just like picking up the tab for everybody, male, female.

[00:25:25] I always just bought because that was my role. And so like, allowing my husband even just like to pick up the tab, which most women would be like, yeah, that's, of course, that's what your husband has to do. But there's just certain things that I really had to tune in and I really started how to care about how I was.

[00:25:40] You know, using my body when I was at home and how important it was to kind of let that boss mode go at the door and channel in wife mode. And it's okay to be submissive and it's okay to not have your shit together all the time. And that was a big shift as [00:26:00] well, I think with me personally. And it also helps with the marriage too.

[00:26:07] Yvonne Heimann: Did I mention that my podcast somehow always aligned with what's going on in my own life? Love it. Oh my God. Jenny, tell the audience where can they find you? You already mentioned you've got a whole bunch of resources and stuff on your website. Where can people connect with you?

[00:26:24] Jenny Alday: So the website really is the best place at Jenny Alday Townsend.

[00:26:28] And my name is spelled with a Y. There's only one L in Alday. I'm also on all social media platforms, LinkedIn. If you want to connect with me as far as the business, or if you want to follow the podcast and the book tourney, Instagram is a great place for that. You can download the Stroke It guide podcasts on any major platform.

[00:26:46] I have quickies on Tuesdays and I have guests on Thursdays and it's really about professional and personal development and enhancing every relationship in your life, especially with yourself.

[00:26:58] Yvonne Heimann: Love it. So guys [00:27:00] go follow Jenny. You will find all of the links in the description as always. Easy for you to click.

[00:27:06] Thank you so much for joining me and I can't wait to continuously follow your journey and get the book.

[00:27:14] Jenny Alday: Thank you.

[00:27:15] Yvonne Heimann: Thanks everybody. Bye.